still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
