life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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