I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i will never coherently bang her
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize