You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
