Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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