whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
