Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
