look no pants
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Houston, we have a squirter
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You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
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Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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