Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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