i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
