Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
