Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
