SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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