dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
