I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
