All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
