Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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