He kissed a someone with a penis
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
