It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
