I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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