okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
