omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
