Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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