How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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