I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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