I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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