This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
