Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
