just tell him i said nine months
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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