My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize