I don't usually arrange sex via text message
love makes seman taste better
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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