I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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