He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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