I hate your face
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
