I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
