i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
