There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
