Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
