FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
