i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Randomize
