so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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