We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
