i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
if only i could text you this smell
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The uberlube is also flammable
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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