he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The beer is more important than you right now.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
