Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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