When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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