How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Randomize
