just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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