Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
