somebody snuck up and got me drunk
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
