I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
