Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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