Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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