The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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