After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
