It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize