Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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