My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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