my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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