Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
this hospital has no fireball
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
