my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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