Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
