Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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