I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
