Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
