she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
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