I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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