The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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