Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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