im about as happy as oj after his trial
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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