Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
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