i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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