At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize