They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
sarcasm needs its own font
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize