I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
