We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
only you would photoshop your dick
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
