Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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